Category Archives: Politics

Overweight Dyslexic Attention-Whore Fascist Embarasses Herself

fat turd doesn't understand basics of mirror image reversal

I'd stay away from mirrors too.

So it seems this chubby mythomaniac (Ashley Todd) invented a black slasher and live-blogged a faked attack from the “wrong side” of Pittsburgh.

A glance at her blog and you can tell that this hefty Texan is fond of both kinds of Whopper. She writes, of a weekend in scummy, liberal New York:

So, I had an interesting time in my second time in NY. Finding a hotel was hard, since the UN was meeting, and the only Kinds were very skeezy. And i paid 200 bucks for the honour of staying in these usually “by the hour” type places…Ew.

In Manhattan? Really? In the 1970’s, I suppose..? Poor Ashley has been incarcerated in her gated community for so many years wathcing 1980’s movies about suburban babysitters adventuring into New York-by-night to save children from lesbian child pimps and etc…

Here are some more pictures of her Junior Fascist League friends working out their provincial sexual frustrations by, for example, cavorting as folkloric and racist stereotypes:

NDLR:  Seems COLLEGE REPUBLICANS have decided to scrub clean their flickr pages of all things Ash Todd.

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“High” Camp

Cindy McCain is an American EveryLady, Famous for her natural beauty and understated style.

Cindy McCain is an American EveryLady, Famous for her natural beauty and understated style.

Listening to Governor Palin’s gurgles, I feel like someone is working a very fine, steel wire into my spine. I’d need some of Lady McCain’s vicodin to get through ten more minutes of hiccuppy retorts from that … animated chignon.

Have you seen THE VIEW?

Those women (though not brain dead former reality show zero, E. Hasselbeck, the right-wing demon on the show’s shoulder) asked him some of the most difficult questions I’ve heard at any point in this odious spectacle.

The clips are below. There are four, I think; stick around for the appearance by a narco-zombified Lady McCain, in all her Sportswear-by-St-John, Valium-bot, barbiturate-barbie, “high” camp :

She REFUSES to give Barbara an exact house count!

And the Xanax-zaniness doesn’t stop there…

Some Gems:

  • According to a frail and chalky Senator McCrazy, Sarah Palin is the most popular governor in America. It seems giving out 2,000 dollar checks to all of your constituents helps you in elections. Pitbull Palin also wrested 27,000,000 in federal earmarks for the worthy 10, 000 citizens of Wasilla (that’s 2,700 in federal spending—money from the “lower forty-eight”—per head).
  • The Democrats have been in charge of both houses of congress for two years and they’re the ones who really screwed up.
  • Sarah Palin is going to reform all of Washington…
  • Would Sarah Palin enslave Whoopi Goldberg?

The View averages 3.4 million viewers daily.

http://abc.go.com/daytime/theview/index

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Today’s Republican

The Republicans, like all extremists, must limit themselves to emotion.

And as so many Americans are, simply put, limited, these limits are actually quite generous.

All of those old, odious hippopotamus women at the RNC convention, Maybelline-spackled and waving their arm fat, are all voting on gilded, garish nostalgia for a past that never happened. There is no reasoning with them. American rightwingers vote on “seems” and “feels” and are stubbornly skeptical of “is”.

They left reality-based existence a very long time ago and have grown fat and cozy in their junk houses eating their junk food and dreaming about their sticky-fingered masturbation years in the 1950’s when the side-effects of junk culture hadn’t yet eroded their beauty and intelligence.

They’ll snooze through nuance, in their XXL “athletic apparel” and drive their SUV to the Obama rally to unroll their JUST FUCKIN’ DRILL banner. There is no reasoning with them. We must accept that. You’d have better luck teaching Mandarin to a walrus.

It’s terrible to say but that whole RNC spectacle – the little Palin-Babe (I forget what Glade scent she’s named after) spit-slicking that pimped out slow baby’s forelock (to an ocean of sickening old-lady cooing! Gack!), to S Palin’s diction-coached middle American housewife gutturals – all of the ape-screaming and breast beating made me think of the emotion and vulgarity of Nazism. “The oceanic feeling” that Freud detected in the sublime and also in fascism. “YOU ESS AY!! -YOU ESS AY!!” And the three minute applause that Ms. Nobody got for shopping that Down’s baby around to all of the tabloids? Pure emotion.

The RNC has become that desperate friend everybody’s mother has who leaves messages on the answering machine saying, “Oh my God Sandra you have to call me I have STORIES!” They found the most obscure country heifer in the world, gussied her up with vaginal pink Babs Walters hot-lamps and a Lifetime-TV-for-Women story and, as they say in Tee-Vee, “they had a hit!”

They worked backwards from a punchline: “Ok, right, so we get some bumpkin with a cracked up family.. say, daughter’s a YouthGroup teen, knocked up on the schoolbus by a redneck, “differently abled” baby, husband to dumb to speak, etc etc… and we take them to Beverly Hills…nonono… to WASHINGTON!”

So they fly up to Methville, AK, take a sniff, and like what they find. They write a fancy speech for her, wind her up, and put her on stage and the charm machine starts grinding out Reader’s Digest-style boilerplate. And Maureen Dowd writes another one of those columns that sounds like it was written by some gin-breath barfly at three am in the Delta lounge at Newark Int’l. And in the irradiated gloom of TeeVee rooms all over the fly-over states fat, failed, depressed, fundamentalist women — women for whom the only title they will ever possess is “Mrs.” and they don’t intend on sharing that with some bagel munching coastal dykes and fags — (and anyway, little Madison or Emilee is already on her second child, though marrying the boy this time..very respectable…) and fine specimens of beer-bellied, jet-skiing, stag-party American Masculinity will tear themselves away from their internet pornography for long enough to give a hazy thumbs up and…

a star is born!

They’re all reassuring themselves that it’s ok to be irrational, that reality has been safely bottled and exiled and sealed up in a log of leaded glass and stored in Yucca mountain.

But Reality, the reaper, walked through the door instead of Jesus (that old so-and-so) and took many forms, none of them very pleasant (the void they displaced when they built their trash houses and has come back in the form of depreciation, the refined sugar diet has become all that arm fat proudly waving — imagine the time American embalmers must spend on all of that fat! — made-in-china petro-plastic flags, the guns that go to school (their destined destination, after all: guns are made to exterminate and effective extermination starts with groups of children cornered in rooms with one door and no fire escape), the JUST FUCKIN’ DRILL dumb-dumb mentality that believes that resources are infinite and if you don’t get what you want you simply shout louder and throw your fat around a bit more) and they’re scared.

They just want a few more years of something-for-nothing.

And it’s not coming.

And they’re scared.

Here’s a video of that classy, enchanting, all-American Palin family.

All of you haters out there saying Bristol Palin is a slut are going to be so very contrite.

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John McCain Doesn’t Remember Any of These People.

What about McCrazy's "Ass Chasin'" Son and Cindy's Secret Sister?

What about McCrazy?

Maybe he should ask the FBI for a clue?

“People familiar with the process said Ms. Palin had responded to a standard form with more than 70 questions. Although The Washington Post quoted advisers to Mr. McCain on Sunday as saying Ms. Palin had been subjected to an F.B.I. background check, an F.B.I. official said Monday the bureau did not vet potential candidates and had not known of her selection until it was made public.”

source

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Quick Dispatch from the Cheetocracy

So get ready to laugh so hard you choke on your Cheez-its, y’all!

So, as we all know, our future Hockey Mom-in-Chief, former second place finalist in a backwater beauty contest, and Governor of the Unites States of Abstinence’s biggest Welfare State is a conservative mommy who never saw an unsheathed monogamous erection she didn’t approve of. Well, you will all be happy to know that Bristol, her daughter, has started a positive non-abortion trend for Piper, Meadow, Daybreak, Blueberry, Woodtick, Trig, Grog, and all of the other Glade Scent Siblings to follow: She’s keeping her back of the schoolbus conceived bastard baby. And the proud father? Well, I’ll let him introduce himself via his Myspace page via The New York Post as quoted on HuffPo:

“I’m a f – – -in’ redneck” who likes to snowboard and ride dirt bikes.”

It gets better:

“But I live to play hockey. I like to go camping and hang out with the boys, do some fishing, shoot some s- – – and just f – – -in’ chillin’ I guess.”

“Ya f – – – with me I’ll kick [your] ass,” he added.

He also claims to be “in a relationship,” but states, “I don’t want kids.”

18 year-old Levi Johnston described by his mother, Somebody-or-Other Johnston: “Levi has got huge potential,” and, “He’s a smart kid.”

Well, naturally!

People Magazine has a photo spread of these recomposed, decomposed families of Lady McCain, looking every inch the zombie queen of Stepford, her perky, porky little daughter, Meghan, half-obscured behind her in a dress of elegant, slimming black. Meghan McCain never appears on television but she’s always made-up to look like she just hosted The Wheel of Fortune. You know how some “trollops” just “cake it on.”

The Palin family just looks like the cast of “Seventh Heaven” but without the cotton-candy colored Hallmark lighting: all sugar and smarm and a spattering of back fat. Governor Palin is holding that Down’s baby for all it’s worth. I forget what the fashionable term is today… Differently Abled? Is that it? Well, that is one “Differently Abled” subjectivity that is going to be milked for every last gooey minute of Lifetime Television Style context-publicity.

These people are ruthless.

Anyway, I’m sure the Johnstons will get on just fine with the McCains. They’re both so classy.

Go HERE and scan down to a picture of Jack McCain and a portly pal, musing on the good times. It’s the picture captioned:

“Jack McCain– Fucking Drinking in Sedona, smoking cigars, strip bars, chasing ass, and making fun of your small asians cars. good luck at Annapolis”

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