Category Archives: jack mccain

Quick Dispatch from the Cheetocracy

So get ready to laugh so hard you choke on your Cheez-its, y’all!

So, as we all know, our future Hockey Mom-in-Chief, former second place finalist in a backwater beauty contest, and Governor of the Unites States of Abstinence’s biggest Welfare State is a conservative mommy who never saw an unsheathed monogamous erection she didn’t approve of. Well, you will all be happy to know that Bristol, her daughter, has started a positive non-abortion trend for Piper, Meadow, Daybreak, Blueberry, Woodtick, Trig, Grog, and all of the other Glade Scent Siblings to follow: She’s keeping her back of the schoolbus conceived bastard baby. And the proud father? Well, I’ll let him introduce himself via his Myspace page via The New York Post as quoted on HuffPo:

“I’m a f – – -in’ redneck” who likes to snowboard and ride dirt bikes.”

It gets better:

“But I live to play hockey. I like to go camping and hang out with the boys, do some fishing, shoot some s- – – and just f – – -in’ chillin’ I guess.”

“Ya f – – – with me I’ll kick [your] ass,” he added.

He also claims to be “in a relationship,” but states, “I don’t want kids.”

18 year-old Levi Johnston described by his mother, Somebody-or-Other Johnston: “Levi has got huge potential,” and, “He’s a smart kid.”

Well, naturally!

People Magazine has a photo spread of these recomposed, decomposed families of Lady McCain, looking every inch the zombie queen of Stepford, her perky, porky little daughter, Meghan, half-obscured behind her in a dress of elegant, slimming black. Meghan McCain never appears on television but she’s always made-up to look like she just hosted The Wheel of Fortune. You know how some “trollops” just “cake it on.”

The Palin family just looks like the cast of “Seventh Heaven” but without the cotton-candy colored Hallmark lighting: all sugar and smarm and a spattering of back fat. Governor Palin is holding that Down’s baby for all it’s worth. I forget what the fashionable term is today… Differently Abled? Is that it? Well, that is one “Differently Abled” subjectivity that is going to be milked for every last gooey minute of Lifetime Television Style context-publicity.

These people are ruthless.

Anyway, I’m sure the Johnstons will get on just fine with the McCains. They’re both so classy.

Go HERE and scan down to a picture of Jack McCain and a portly pal, musing on the good times. It’s the picture captioned:

“Jack McCain– Fucking Drinking in Sedona, smoking cigars, strip bars, chasing ass, and making fun of your small asians cars. good luck at Annapolis”

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